Dearest Aythen,
Today, I feel the urge to write to you. I write it because I'm not sure you're old enough to quite understand what I need to tell you. You're only a sweet baby at 5 years old, after all. And as a 5 year old, you'll be going to kindergarten soon. So soon. As in, in 11 days, SOON. And I'll be honest, it scares me half to death. Not for the reasons it seems to scare most moms, you see. I don't worry about you being "alone" in a new place. I don't worry about your ability to make friends. I don't worry about you fearing much at all. You are fearless. Except the kitten, Squishy. You are scared shitless of her, and of our ice maker in the fridge, but that's a post for another day. As my first born child, you exhibit most of the qualities that most first born children do. Namely, your independence. There have been very few occasions where I thought, "he wouldn't make it without me to help him do x,y,z....". Your ability to navigate through this world without much help from me is admirable. You've been this way since you were a little bitty guy. You've never been a, quote, "momma's boy", but you're mine none the less. You clearly LOVE your momma with your whole heart, but you never have needed me to help you do much. You ask a question, (boy, do you ask some doozies, and often and in mass quantities on the regular), and I do my best to answer that question. And then you do what makes you Aythen....you think. After almost any answer to life's biggest questions at that moment, you ponder the answer for just a minute. It's like I can almost see the gears spinning in your head. You just get it and understand things unlike any other. You are capable of DOING anything you want, my sweet boy. Your imagination is endless, and our conversations often have me thinking the thing I am most afraid of about your entering "big kid school"....Please don't let ANYONE tell you "you can't", baby. You've been someone who CAN do anything from the start. You think, you analyze, and you DO. So please don't ever STOP doing. Don't let one person make you believe you are anything less than amazing, Aythen. We are all gifted at something, and your gift is your independence. Use it. Learn from those who are teaching you, but NEVER stop asking questions. You've asked us a good billion or two since you could speak. Ask a good ten trillion more if you want, even if it drives your teachers crazy. You have a zest for learning and understanding and doing, so if there is anything I'm afraid of, it's that you will quit. If there is ever a day where you don't ask me a good ten questions on the way home from school, I will know my worst fear has come true. And I can't promise the outcome will be pretty. Don't let anyone cage you, stifle your creativity, squash your dreams, or silence your questions, baby. Let no one make you feel like your questions are stupid or unnecessary. Always ask. And if this letter ever finds you at a time where you're questioning your worth or your place in this world, know that you're right where you should be. Questioning. You're a thinker and a question asker. Never ever change, no matter who (including me) gets frustrated at your questions. NEVER.
Kindergarten, look out, and don't ever tell my baby, "because I said so". There is a reason for every answer; give it.
My wish for you, Aythen, as you start this new journey is that you stay true to yourself, be kind to others (even if they're not kind to you), and let no one tell you "you can't". Can't never did nothin', baby. You CAN.
I love you so much, angelbaby, and I am excited for what's in store for you this year! Learn so much!!
All my love, heart, and soul...
Momma
